Permission( 9/7/79)

May be, may be if you will allow me
to live here for a week
nay a month
I'd probably see heaven

The dirty ponds and little temples
call out to me, speak out to me
wave out to me

for once I love the crowds
these crowds of coconut trees
and yet, I now wish to be away
far from the madding crowds

Just ca'nt believe....
the sky is the same
here she seems
fair, pretty and
smiling to me
nay smiling for me

and yet...so much, so much
depends on you!
if only you you'd allow me
allow me!

Not a Habit (6/8/1979 )

"I did nothing of the sort!"
"Ofcourse you did."
Look here,I have never thought of stealing in the wildest of my dreams."
"Well, you did this time"
"I am telling you I never... only once I took a book from the school stores.but then it cost just Rs 1.25 and I took it only for the challenge of it!"
"But this time you really stole."
"Look, you've got to believe me.I am not that sort of a fellow."
"Well, my experience shows otherwise."
"I could show you my conduct certificate.I tell you,I was one of the best students at school."
"well, you are now in college."
"Ask my friends! They would vouch for my good character."
"Oh after all,they are your friends."
"Don't be silly Seema,let's be realstic.Now if I really stole it,it wouldn't be with you right? Well, if it's not with you you'd be dead.But you are alive, meaning I did'nt steal."
"oh you are the silliest moron I have ever come across!"
"what did you call me?"
"A moron.and that's what you are in every sense of the term."
" How dare you say that! Of all the cheek! I demand..... "
"Now,now, what's the matter I say! Tell me,I'll settle it for you."
"No,you are not telling him anything!"
"Ofcourse I am. Now look at this situation pal.First this dame comes and accuses me "You stole my heart" she says and when I explain to her that it is not so, she calls me a moron.Ever heard of greater injustice?"
"Well you really are a dummy yar- come this way"
"But why? Of all the ........"
"Come here, I say, I 'll explain everything.Wait till the whole thing gets in to that thick skull of yours...heh heh... " 



 

Room Number Twenty

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Irony

Many years ago in the then India

Shankar, the cartoonist

Could make fun of anyone including

the PM in his cartoons

Today-an artist, cartoonist beware

Thou could be hounded, put behind bars

forced to leave and die in another land

If annoying the law makers, the politicians

Or the  organised touchy sensitive citizens

 of modern India!

 We claim  progress; we claim growth

have big shopping malls

 latest cars and gadgets

are connected to

the whole world through internet

yet the irony is...

with each passing day

more intolerant has India  become

the  people  can't speak their mind

can't express dissent

another point of view

Is this progress?

Is this success?

 With passage of  time,are we going backwards

instead of forward

with new generations  enjoying less freedom of expression

than their ancestors........

The One of My Dreams (18/9/1981)

Always Smiles
Hardly a groan
Animated-lively
Not a doll

Looks an ingredient
not product itself
Ah I have erred
in calling product
for the one I have in mind
is far from dumb
"My dream" can cut beyond
cosmetics and wardrobe

The one of my dreams
my dream itself
is sure of self
and has no games to play
nor any need for them

Qualities unique
to the kind are retained
no efforts at aping
or denouncing the other kind
Neither demanding
nor interfering
Just living and let living
is the girl of my dreams

इंतज़ार ( March 1975 )

क्या भारत एक दिन संपन्न था ?
बहुतायत से अति धन्य था ?
शिक्षा में संस्कार में दुनिया में प्रथम था ?

सुना है महान सम्राटों के
शासन में  अनुशाशन था
शान्ति और कीर्ति हमारी
देश  विदेश में प्रसिद्ध थी 

क्या लौट आयेगा वे  सुन्हेरे दिन 

जब दुनिया को फिर से हम , नेतृत्व दे 

लेकिन यह  इंतज़ार कब तक ?

काली दाढ़ी बन रही  है सफ़ेद! 

पूर्ण ( 6/10/1981 )

तेरे बिना भी जी लूँगा
मुस्कुराकर  हँस लूँगा
मगर उस हँसी
उस मुस्कराहट
पूर्ण न होती  तेरे बिना

अगर तू होती, तो बढ़ती ख़ुशी
और मज़ा होती जीने में
ज़यादा मीठा और प्यारा होता
अगर तू भी होती मेरे साथ

कलम और स्याही
जैसे हम दोनों
को जीना है प्रिये
आ जाओ
भर दे अपने कलम को
और लिख दे हमारे जीवन को 

Pure Music

These days there are so many choices for music lovers to enjoy music. modern technology has made available the I Pod and other devices for personalized music.We also have so many music channels on TV and a number of competitions on TV in national & regional channels.We can also go to live shows to enjoy music.
However, over the years there has been a change in the way music is enjoyed.It is no longer enjoyed exclusively.Today, it is almost invariably  with the visuals- accompanying dance, lights, the works. So in a live show, you not only get to hear songs but also acting & dancing skills.The game of cricket has changed over the years.Most people want to see 20-20 matches mainly & one day matches next with less & less takers for test cricket.It has also meant that the rules are increasing loaded in favour of the batsmen,  who are seen as providing the entertainment.Bowlers therefore have less opportunities to show case their skills.It is common to see them being hit "all over the park"providing entertainment to the spectators.The aspirations and skills  of bowlers are sacrificed at the alter of entertainment. Similarly today ,we cannot think of pure music without distractions from make up, costumes, dancing , lighting & other props of entertainment.

In the music reality competitions,  the total focus is not on the music but also on  the background of the contestants- Rich/poor/middle class? ,  Male//female, pretty/handsome/plain looking?, physically fit/fat /thin/challenged?Language/region from which contestant hails?, age - young/old ?
When all these factors come in to play,even the judges can be influenced by the impact of senses other than ears alone. Recently a judge of a competition on Tamil  Vijay TV declared " I know that many people feel I have a soft corner for ........  but I don't care! I am supportive because of her music.The question is why should it reach a stage when people start thinking on these lines.Actually, the problem was not so much  the admiration of  this judge for a contestant  but her blatant discouragement of another contestant hailed & acknowledged  even by a legend who had participated as celebrity guest.

To my mind the focus should be only on pure music.I am looking forward to the day when the contestants are not  seen by the judges who will know them only by their contestant number.The audience at the studio, the judges and all of us sitting at home can only listen to their voices- we will not know whether they are black or white, whether they are from the city or rural area, whether they are young or old, whether they are physically challenged or fit as a fiddle or whether the contestants have an attitude in their gait.The only attitude that will be known will be the attitude in their voice. In fact I remember seeing a reality show some time back on blind dating.The person choosing ( female) does not get to see the participants (male) who have to create an impression by telling about themselves.The audience can see the participants and pass comments encouraging or discouraging  the hidden date to choose the person as partner.

Focusing only on the music could  mean that the number of episodes will have to be shortened   with no opportunities for the dancing & other performances.It could mean lower TRP ratings since it is said  that " today people get distracted easily & that to retain their attention just music won't do".But then we may just be underestimating the power of music After all, come December, the annual  classical carnatic music festivals in Chennai featuring eminent singers  continue to attract devoted listeners year after year.

 TV channels , it is hoped will take up the challenge of promoting pure music- just pure music, only for the ears!  

Yesterday.... Today.....( 20/5/1981)

One pulled my hand
The other,the other one
Another had my shoulders
yet another my leg

Yesterday I let this happen
ignoring the pain
for comfort,there always is in
not having to set the tunes
but simply dancing to them
just dancing to the tune

But today I simply can't
have people pulling me
I feel I have a right
to go where I may please

It's unpleasant of course
to those who had their way
but then, it can't be helped
for growth cannot be stopped
it just cannot be stopped !

तस्ववीर तेरी (18/12/82 )

बस तुम्हे देखने दो
देखते ही रेह्ने दो
और कुछ न माँगता हूँ मै
और कुछ न चाहता हूँ मैँ

चार बार वो दर्शन मिला

चार युग का आनन्द मिला

तेरी मुख का मानसिक तसवीर

हृदय में उपस्थिथ किया

अगले बार आँख मिलने तक

एक और बार देखने तक

तेरी, मानसिक तस्वीर देखता हूँ 

दिलके प्यास बूझता हूँ

आज तक सिर्फ़ देखा तुम्हें

न बात किया या प्रेम किया

फिर भी बहुत क़रीब लगता

जैसे जान पहचान समान

ऐसा हो फिर हम न मिलें

एक दूसरे को न जान ले- पर

तस्वीर लेकर जी लूँगा

बस अब तुम्हें देखने दो

एक और बार दर्शन दो

The Tiger that Purred (19/3/1980 )

Pointing fingers- a hobby to him
Criticisms came spontaneously
Ideologies seemed to have been born with him

His movements,styles,expressions
suited them ideologies -
like a glove

Soon the milk of power
was offered to him
which he drank........ And changed
and how he changed!

Amnesia overpowered him
And he purred contently
disowning the past....
closing his eyes to the world

When ? ( 26/8/1981 )

When will man respect man
because he is a man
the mere fact that he is a man ?

When will it not require
the coating and the wrapping
for man to get his due-
to be treated as a man

When will they,the smiles
spread freely-spontaneously
for the very fact that
it is directed at a man

Or is it an idle quest
a longing for uthopia
that is and will always be
beyond mankind?

PS : term 'man'is used to include 'woman'as well 

Growing Up (11/3/1980 )

He defied the world
blew at it
scoffed at it
shook his little finger at it

Expressed his emotions
declared his feelings-
his scorn at the inconsistencies
his concern at the inconsistencies
his pain at the inconsistencies
that seemed to rule everything

Until ....the time
 it came
for doing the needful
and he meekly surrendered
At last he had grown up
Grown up, once for all

My First Teacher ( 13/10/2013)

My first teacher
the one who taught me
the basics- was not from school
she was very much at home-my mom

she taught me not only the 3rs (read, rite,r'thmetic)
but also about the birds and the bees
the sun- the moon
of what s right,what wrong

she told me of tales distant
from the Ramayana,Mahabharata
folklore of kerala, Arabia, panchatanthra
and the morals and learning from them

She continued to handhold
long after I started school
was clear on her priority-
education first
all else afterwards!

If I can lay claim today
to any success or achievement
I owe it all to the clarity
of my first teacher- my mother

Evaluation (13/7/1978 )

It was then that she had said it - "Do you believe that you are irresistible! That all these people love & respect you because of your charms? Your personality? Oh don't make me laugh Mr Ashok. The only thing interesting about you is your money.Without it you are nothing! Your flashy car and gaudy clothes  make you what you are. Otherwise you are nothing to all of them.You hear me! Nothing!-  and yet I love you for what you are- for your real self. But to you,I am another one of those chicks! isn't it lover boy?

Ashok was stupefied. No girl had ever dared to speak to him this  way. And yet here was this girl whom he had hardly known for a couple of days , looking up at him with a flushed face and eyes that seemed to be angry and hurt at the same time. Had he foreseen this outburst he would have cut her short at the first two lines and asked her to go to hell. But this was most unexpected.Now he felt that it was high time he spoke. "You don't really mean that Asha! I want that you eat back your words and......"
:No! no! I meant every word I said ,and I am not making any bones about it. I....
"Now, now, I request you to refrain from making a scene in public.If you are ready, I would like to take you home.surely there is no point in our spending the rest of the evening together." With that he silently moved towards his Mercedes Benz , allowed her to help herself on the other side. inwardly smiling at the thought of the lady's last drive in his expensive car.

As he lay back on his comfortable pillow,Ashok found himself extremely restless.That girl had spoiled his whole day.Aday that had started out so beautifully had to end in the most disappointing fashion.Well,there is nothing wrong he told himself in conducting an experiment to assure himself if not anyone else of his unique personality. He would go to a five star hotel in ordinary clothes  and see for himself how they treated him.It had to be a hotel where people did not recognize him.He generally patronized Hotel Hoysala and rarely for a change the Sudarshan hotel. In Taj International, he was sure that nobody would recgnize him as the poor rich boy that he was.It was at the Taj that a business associate of his had booked his room.He would be in town for a few days.It would be a good idea to go and meet him in a cotton shirt,an ordinary looking terry cotton pant and Hawaii chappals. He chuckled to himself at the thought of Mr Raghunath staring at him in Hawaii chappals.

The next day,having secured for himself the objects of his disguise he telephoned Mr Raghunath. He was informed by Raghunath that he would be in the conference hall for most part of the day but will only be too happy to see him in the evening.As he replaced the telephone in its cradle, Ashok was very pleased with himself .He told himself that  he would give the whole thing an authentic effect by carrying very little money and going over to the place in a bus.He decided to go for a matinee film show and make his grand entry at the Taj at 7  PM.

Ashok felt hot in the face and he almost felt like slapping the old man with graying hair and a dignified posture.Obviously the Hawaii chappal was not a hit in places like the Taj for most people were staring down at his legs. The old man was saying "He is not in his room.There is no reply on the telephone.He has obviously taken the keys with him." The words were harmless enough but they carried a trace of mocking in the tone which bit in to the interiors of Ashok's brain.
"So the conference is over?" he heard himself ask
"Yes it's over"came the curt reply.
He mumbled something like "Well.... it's okay then"and walked out putting all his energy with the only object of getting away from the terrible place. He let out a sigh at the gate and moved towards the bus stop more relaxed than ever.


Ashok had entered the premises of Taj International as planned at about 7 PM.He had walked casually towards the reception and asked to be directed to the conference hall. He was told to go straight ahead.So far so good. He reached the hall to find the door closed. He was in the process of debating as to whether or not to match strength with his wooden opponent when he heard a voice from behind.
"Excuse me, what do you want?"He had turned around to face the man with the graying hair.He informed him that he had come to see a Mr Raghunath . The man in his dignified manner was beginning to tell him that the conference was already over when Ashok informed him that Mr Raghunath was staying at the hotel.At this the man had hesitated a moment - "In which room?" he asked
Given the unwelcome atmosphere & confusion in his mind Ashok just could not remember the room number.
"Well, I think it is 246. I am not sure"
"Must be 426"said the man and signaled Ashok to follow him.
He then directed him to pick up one of the many telephones in the foyer and ask the operator to connect to 426.  He was requested by a cordial female voice from the other end to hold on a moment while she contacted the room.The cordiality he thought could be attributed to the fact that the girl had not seen him in Hawaii chappals. Meanwhile the man was getting impatient- "Well?... oh never mind put down the receiver "He took another instrument and asked to be connected to 426. "No reply eh? well alright"He had then turned to Ashok and informed him curtly that there was no reply from the room.


As he waited patiently for the bus,Ashok was shocked to realize how he had all the while been overestimating himself. More shocked was he when he thought of the nature of the people whose society he had kept for years- people who did not respect the individual but coat of arms,People who would sacrifice their self respect at the jingle of coins and would not hesitate to insult a poor individual regardless of his decency,education or principles.He was ashamed to note that he had been a party to the nurturing of such blood sucking parasites; to note that he had been spending Rs 9/ on a glass of rasam when a less fortunate person would have bought himself 3-4 meals with the said amount of money.

It was then that he thought of Asha. Asha! the girl who loved him for what he was. The girl, who was probably the only person who loved him in the strictest sense of the term.He remembered the tears in her eyes when she took leave of him and his heart felt hollow & heavy. Ashok was struck by a mad desire to rush to Asha wherever she was, take her in his arms and beg her to shower love on him like no lover had ever before on her beloved.He wanted to beg forgiveness for hurting her and dry her tears on the breast of his shirt .

He got off the bus and rushed madly towards a little house by the road side.But this time he did not think it a bird's nest.His whole world belonged there and he was off to a world of his own.

All Alone ( 15/9/1979 )

I stood in the open
and looked about me
I was all alone!

I craved for company
people poked in their head
I had enough to manage that
but they all moved away
It was all because of my closed nature
the habit of shutting off all of a sudden

But little did they know of my plight
I was helpless and had little choice
They were content to think me strange
to poke at the surface
and leave it at that!

The Good Old Days (3/2/1977)

Oh days, you are running in to months and years
So fast, so very fast
You ran even as I watched
so fast so very fast

I couldn't even get to caress you
to feel you, and to hold you close
for you were so naughty and vain
always on the run
with spare time for none

Now I have this little request
which even as I make looks vain
If only I could with your aid
go back and start all over again
minimising the mistakes,prolonging the  pleasures
undoing the mischief and soothing the lumps

No, no don't say no!
my heart which is aching will break if you do
Ah the sigh of helplessness envelops my brain
you haven't changed have you oh days
you always were so naughty and vain

Light of Our Home (7/9/2013)

On this auspicious day dear…

I fondly acknowledge- fondly recollect

The many things that have made you the light of our home

Sweet & simple, not enamoured

by gold or clothes – not impressed

by the glitz & glamour

Very practical and grounded, is the light of our home!

Always devoted to the cause of children- mother first

All else afterwards….  Even today, at 4 in the morning

You are their alarm –to shop for things, you are their guide

They know that for anything & everything you will be there

Yes, Solid as a rock is the light of our home!

It is this quality that helped weather

 Difficulties of transfers – of running the family

Single handed……

Handling other challenges, taking initiatives

All for the well being of our home

By who else, but the light of our home!

A good teacher revered by students

Wonderful cook – kind hearted

 Towards People, animals & birds

Lover of fauna & flora

Is the light of our home!

Wedding Anniversary (17/5/1977)

"Oh I hate him! I hate him!oh boy do I hate him! uh uh uh  uh....(sob) uh uh ....God, what has come over him?He doesn't care for anything anymore.Last Friday, I dressed up so carefully to go to the movie... put on the saree he liked, did the eyes & hairstyle the way he liked them....used his favorite lip stick and perfume- And he just didn't turn up! ...... and yesterday! he seemed so indifferent about our anniversary
And here was I labouring for days to stitch him a sweater all by myself, and waiting eagerly for the day....And like a fool day dreaming at each stage of how happy he would be to see the beautiful sweater. And he........ and he just threw it aside on the chair.... I hate him! I hate him uh (sob) uh uh"

"I think I told you  I was not to be disturbed?"
"Sir but this is an important assignment that needs your immediate attention"
"I am not in the mood.We will dispatch it tomorrow"
".... Sir, this is important, a lot of money is involved"
"Get out! out I say.Silly fool!....... Ha, he speaks of money!I work hard,put in my blood sweat for the welfare of the family but nobody seems to appreciate it-then why should I work-take pains?
Rekha,... she has changed a lot.. I get home after a hard day's work and I am greeted by a frowning wife instead of one who ought to make me comfortable.
And... what does she think? a man cannot be a genius.He tends to forget things...and there she was flipping her lid over my going home late for our anniversary-considering the amount of work I had on that day, anyone would have forgotten anything....
...... anyway what did she buy me after all! - a stupid sweater when I would have preferred something less costlier but more romantic like those cute little ties just come into the market.she giving it as a present would have been wonderful.Oh Lord!life is losing its charm.It's almost unbearable,

"So you have come! late as usual...... oh I suppose you prefer to be silent. ......well supper is ready"
Ï am not hungry"
"Pappa, pappa, I got first rank in my class. My teacher said you would be proud of me."
"Good,good, now get to bed Raju. It's late."
"So you won't take supper?"
"Ï told you I am not hungry!"
"But pappa mummy has'nt eaten. she was waiting for you."
".......well.. you needn't have bothered.It's not as I have asked you to ........... I guess I am tired,I am going to bed"
He went in to the bedroom and settled himself on one corner of the double bed and placed Raju in the middle.They were soon joined by her at the other side of the bed.They remained like that with the torturous silence ringing in the room.Thoughts sailed through his mind.Calm prevailed in the room But the condition of his mind was far from calm." Hmn.. she wasn't exactly crying over my going to bed starved.The only person she cares for in this world is herself -Her clothes,her jewelry and her food! ....Is she at least aware that I work hard for her, the child, the family?
Last Saturday I had wanted to take her out,....Raju to the park. But she preferred to invite her noisy relatives in here and gossip........ hey, she's crying!......... should I console her?.....Now why should I? If she cries,she deserves it....it's not as if I beat her or had words with her ..... but hell,this seems serious....... May be I ought to wipe her tears.  After all....
Hell.. she deserves no pity considering the mental tortures she gave me!....,

.........Oh mine , the poor thing, may be I have been a little too harsh....after all  she is only a kid"
What he did then is anybody's guess.

Unacknowledged Smiles

Dear  Readers
I would like to present to you thoughts penned in lines (prose) and in verses (poetry) over the years.You will therefore find in them the nature, sensibilities of the said times and my own chronological age & maturity at that point of time. It is true that these days I write more of non fiction (www.hrdian.blogspot.in   and www.corporatepoem,blogspot.in). However I would like to resume & put on paper the spontaneous thoughts in this area.

Unacknowledged Smiles     (7-8-1980)

The little red rose smiled at me
Again and again
Not discouraged that her smile wasn't returned

She continued to smile
even as she grew
and straightened in full bloom
Though now, her smile
was a little weakened
a little sad.....

she was still smiling
her sad little smile
as she withered away
and joined the earth

Guilt pricked me
and poked at my heart
I cried for the rose
my little red rose

The rose hadn't known
that I adored her petals
that I had watched unseen her sweet little face

that I had stifled the smile
that threatened to break
every now and  then
just watching her face

How could she know
that my smiles were reviewed
and controlled by forces
outside of me!

The rule had been set
that if I were to smile
I shall smile at lilies
And lilies alone!