The Future of Marriage

23rd day of #Blogchatter daily write challenge  

The other day I was chatting with an  octogenarian doctor who had briefly served for a few years in the UK and finally settled in Bangalore. However, his daughter and son in law are doctors practising in UK and therefore, the doctor and his wife shuttle between England and Bangalore. The topic of our discussion was marriage. According to him, the children of many of his friends settled in the UK, be it a son or a daughter did not wish to get married. Some of these 'children' are in their forties and remain unmarried.

The prospect of a marriage is not appealing to them. They are concerned about losing their independence, particularly women who presently enjoy financial and social freedom. The discussion thus far, reminded me of a poem I myself had written on 20th March 2015 titled " Crumbling Institution"( Link). The doctor was wondering aloud as to whether this is happening in UK because of the cultural differences that the next generation immigrants had to confront, making them apprehensive  and fearful of marriages. 

I told the doctor that the situation is not very different in respect of the educated, financially stable, eligible bachelors living in the urban areas/ big cities in India as well. There is a general reluctance to embrace the uncertainties associated with marriage. Being educated and financially independent, women do not feel the need to say 'yes' to these uncertainties. In big cities, in the modern times, biological needs can be satisfied even without getting married. Therefore, the motto seems to be "Don't get married; at least postpone it to as late a date as possible. Even if you marry, avoid the burden of motherhood which not only involves labour pains but also puts spokes to your promising career." 

Some time back, I was watching a talk show titled "Neeya Naana" on Tamil Vijay TV where girls debated for and against marriage or rather stiff conditions that must be ensured before a marriage can happen. Some of the participants who were well educated and in good jobs felt that there is no need to 'hurry' into a marriage. If not anything, the groom should be well educated with a professional degree and be earning more than the bride. He should also be owning an apartment before venturing out to marry. Girls are no longer willing to marry boys older than themselves; it must be the same age or at most couple of years older. The priorities have changed over a period of time.

The fight for equality has taken forms of confrontation. So much so, it leads to arguments like "I did the dishes on Tuesday. There is no way I will do it on a Wednesday! After all, we have the days clearly defined and demarcated." Couples are more worried about marking and defending their territory rather than engaging in developing a platform of mutual love and respect. If the problem of sharp differences was believed to be more in western countries, it is increasingly seen in countries like India that have been looking to the west for guidance on what is 'modern' and 'up to date'. It is reported that men from the US are increasingly going in search of brides to Asian countries like the Philippines in order to wed wives who are less aggressive and more 'family oriented'. 

Will the institution of 'Marriage' survive and reinvigorate or crumble and fade away in the years to come? Is it a bane, that is best done without, given situations like 'Dowry deaths' that frequently happen in our country? To my mind, the institution can revive and thrive not in a scenario of confrontation but when both partners begin appreciating the needs and motivations of each other. Women do not become equal or powerful by becoming more "masculine" but by bringing their own unique feminine nature to the table. After all, John Gray had called his book "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". 

Coming back to the question in the first line of the previous para. It all depends on the players in the drama. Time alone can tell...