Nivedita at peace with Herself -At last!

Preamble: During Blogchatter's A2Z challenge during the month of April 2024, I am writing mini stories on various subjects and characters on each day of the month except on Sundays. The name of the protagonist shall begin with the alphabet assigned for the day.  

It was only three days since Nivedita had come to Davangere to visit her mother. She had told herself that this time she will have a great time with mom and not have a single fight during the 10 days that she would be there. But already strains were beginning to show. Who is it that said “If you believe you have become mature and enlightened, go spend a few days with your parents!”  Nivedita felt that there could not be a truer statement. Although she frequently reminded herself to live in the present, Nivedita found herself going back to the past more often that she would have liked.

This time, her travel from Bangalore where she lived with husband Neeraj and two sons was after a quarrel with spouse. She felt that he was taking her for granted because she was a woman. After all, she was also working and earning. Yet, it seemed as if it was sort of expected that a big chunk of the household chores would be attend to by her. Nivedita felt that a bad precedent was being set for the boys aged 12 and 8, who are growing up. They are going to have faulty expectations that would be even more unrealistic when they become adults. 

Neeraj should have been told about the requirement of equally sharing the household chores right from the time they were married.  She simply lacked the courage to tell him even as she was hurt and upset over his insensitivity of not pitching in to help. Nivedita felt that she had not been assertive enough because of the wrong upbringing by her parents, particularly her mother Brinda who was always partial towards her brother Arjun.

During this visit also, the discussion as usual, centered around this topic.

“Just because Arjun loved and was crazy about dosas, you made dosas all the time , whether it is for breakfast or supper”

 “Nivedita dear, please don’t go back to the past once again.” 

 “Although, you were also a working woman, you spent so much time making dosas for him at night and that fellow had a voracious appetite, eating 13 to 14 dosas at a time!”

 “Nivedita, I always served you first. It was your decision to eat only 3 for supper. Can’t blame your brother for wanting to satiate his hunger.”

 “But did you ask me what food I liked? It just did not count! If Arjun was obsessed with dosas, everyone, including dad, had to eat only dosas most of the time. Did you know I developed a hatred for the dish! I don’t make it at home.” 

 “Well, that is such a silly decision, child. Dosa is a tasty, healthy dish that has both carbs and protein”

 “Do you remember Amma, on some days when you were tired from work, you asked me to make the Dosas for dinner and serve Arjun.  After 8 or 9, if I asked Arjun if it was enough, you used to chide me saying don’t ask; serve him until he says he has had enough!” 

 “Nivedita, I don’t know why you bring up such trifles after so many years.”

“You may think it is trifling. But you robbed me of my self-esteem and assertiveness. Today, I can’t speak firmly to Neeraj on any matter."

 Although the conversation ended on that day, three to four days later the conversation veered to the same subject with minor changes with the result that mother and daughter experienced conflict in their relationship. She raised the issue of not getting support for pursuing the career of her choice. While her brother was encouraged to do medicine, she was told that it was too expensive for both children to study medicine.

 One day, unable to contain herself, Nivedita found herself asking her mom “For all that you have done for Arjun, why has he not taken you to live with him after Appa’s death?  Ananya regretted the words even as they escaped her lips. She could see from the change in her mother’s demeanor that she was hurt and sad although she tried to brush it off with the words “Well, you know that he is tied down with a busy job and so is Vineeta. Moreover, this being a flat in a gated community I am safe and happy with friends having lived here for a long time”

 It was the night prior to her departure to Bangalore, to join her husband and kids. Even as she was packing, Nivedita told herself that “enough was enough”. She cannot torture her aged mother each time she met her with harsh reminders of the past. “I also have to get on with my life” she told herself. How much longer can one continue escaping from the challenges of the present like the need to be assertive or firm citing the past as an excuse? She thought. “I will need to take charge and seek the help of a counsellor if need be. Neeraj may readily agree to share chores. Why assume that he would refuse point blank even before asking him? It is high time, the cobwebs of the past are exorcised from my mind”.

 Nivedita hugged her mother and bid goodbye. It was always a sad moment taking leave of her mother, knowing that she would be alone in the house after she left. At least, during this visit “I gained some clarity and insight into my life circumstances and how to deal with them" she thought to herself. 

"The next time I come to meet Amma, I will ensure that we spend the whole of the available time joyfully and not allow the past to come in between us. After all, my loving mother was herself a product of circumstances that moulded her." mused Nivedita as she got into the car. 

NB: This post is a part of  challenge #BlogchatterA2Z