Random Thoughts on Random Words - Day 13 Motherhood

Today we are discussing the noble role of "Motherhood" and its various hues. There is a Tamil film song which goes thus:  "Without my mother, I am not there. No one ever took birth on their own ( without a mother) . I have a mother and she is  watching  over my welfare always!". Anywhere, in the world, the mother has a special place for it is only she who can be "brave enough to be a mother, strong enough to raise a child and  be special enough to love someone more than herself." All other species becomes independent, capable of looking after itself within a short time after birth. It is the human baby that needs care during infancy to ensure its proper growth. Other animals teach its young ones, how to find food,  how to protect itself and then  lets it go to fend for itself.  

Mothers play a big role in molding the character and providing the right guidance to children so that they become healthy and responsible citizens in future. This is the reason it is said  that if a mother is educated, it benefits not just her but the entire family. She is able to take right decisions in ensuring that the children eat nutritious food, go to school and have the right values in life. Mothers' influence on the children is a lot more than fathers, particularly in the initial years of their life. For one thing, the father comparatively spends less time at home and for another instinctively children tends to lean and trust their mothers the most, being the person they have known  for the longest time, that includes periods both before and after birth!   

“There are times when you say to yourself ‘This is impossible.’ And yet you find yourself TRYING to do it…DOING it,,,trying your BEST to do it…Then you realize, you have just done the IMPOSSIBLE…all for the sake of your children..” A mother in the USA, in the split of a second noticed that her infant had gone under the tyre of a big car. She didn't wait to think whether it was possible or not. For a few seconds she lifted the car weighing 1500 kg just enough time for the infant to wriggle out. She  had no  time to even  consider  that "it is impossible", that  the car was  so heavy, weighing 20 times more than her weight. 

The confidence levels of children are enhanced or depleted by the expectations/ belief that mothers have about them. Mothers can be great motivators ! My wife who briefly lived with her cousins while doing a course away from home recounts how her aunt (father's sister), a college professor,  invariably pepped up the confidence of the children when they had self doubt  as to  whether something was possible.  " Possible,for you? she would ask. Of course you can do it!" All her five children excelled in education securing merit seats for professional courses that included medicine, engineering, banking and journalism. 

Having established the importance and significance of the mother, it is also necessary to appreciate the fact that  not all mothers conduct themselves in the same way. Each individual is influenced and affected by her unique circumstances. So, you cannot expect every mother to be like the 'ideal' mother portrayed and essayed in yesteryear Hindi  movies by Ms Nirupa Roy. While you have loving and kind mothers, you also have tough mothers, harsh mothers, strict mothers and at times emotionally black mailing mothers in real life. Further, the advantages and disadvantages of the  phenomenon that we discussed in the first paragraph , about  human mothers continuing to protect their children for long periods unlike animals needs to to be examined. 

It is true that human mothers tend to support their children long after there is a need for it.This very  approach could work to the disadvantage of the offspring  as they do not grow up to be independent adults with ability to think for themselves. A mother who telephones her college going daughter (living in  the college hostel) everyday to remind her to eat her vegetables and take her vitamin pills is promoting dependency and is also giving a signal "You cannot handle the simplest of things by  yourself." In some cases, the advice and guidance may continue even after the wedding of the daughter and can take the form of interference in the affairs of a separate family unit that the daughter has set up. 

A person who has never known how to independently take decisions whole through her  life, is bound to depend on her mother's guidance on questions such as  how to furnish her house, what dishes to prepare for the day and how she should handle her day to day interactions  with her husband. Ms Jayalalithaa the former CM of Tamilnadu has stated in an interview to host, Ms Simi Garewal that she was completely dependent on her mother till she was alive. When her mother's  death occurred abruptly, Jayalalitha was devastated; she was like a babe in the woods. She did not know even the  simplest of things like drawing money from the bank, presenting  a cheque. Her mother had been doing everything for her! 

In India, particularly mothers tend to invest a lot in their children in many ways, more so emotionally. Years later, when the children do not listen to her or show signs of neglect, it takes a big toll on her mental and emotional health with questions popping up as to  "whether all this was worth it? She had given her all to play the role of mother often at the expense of other roles like  that of  a wife, daughter or sister. Actually, when this happens, there is a heavy burden on the children as well. 

When I was working in Bhadravati at my first job, people used to mention about an executive who had lost his father early in life. It was his mother who single- handedly took care of him, educated him to the level of an engineer. When he married, he was not able to perform his role as a husband effectively as he felt indebted to his mother and her needs always came first. When he attended social functions, he always went with his mother at the back of his scooter, never ever taking his wife. 

To my mind, a woman while playing various roles need to shrug of this tag of being this "super woman" who is able to please everyone, each time, every time. Such pressures leave her with no time for her own needs and priorities  which get relegated to the background.  The relationship is healthy when she plays her role of mother lovingly without any expectations and without compromising on her own needs like wanting to be a career woman , sans feelings of guilt or emotional blackmail. (You can read my poem "नारी / woman" with an English translation here : https://rajeevianlinesandverses.blogspot.com/2021/03/blog-post_8.html )

I would like to end the post reiterating the special role that mothers play in society in general  and the lives of their children in particular. While saluting motherhood, the characters in the play, the mother and her offsprings, themselves should be able to see the relationship as one of joy and love with no regrets or strings attached...

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