Random Thoughts on Random Words - Day 12 Love

It is the twelfth day of the challenge and the time has come to discuss the enchanting, exciting topic of love! Although the word itself is wide and encompasses in it, varied forms of love like the love  between parents and children, between siblings, between friends or even a person's love for food or other pursuits like trekking or traveling, it is romantic love that immediately pops up in the mind when you think of the four letter word!  This is because our literature, cinema, plays, dance forms or other popular creative forms are all obsessed with romantic love.  

Love is commonly seen as a strong attraction and emotional attachment;compassionate and affectionate behaviour is also associated with love. When there is love in the air, there is an element of playfulness- an opening of the heart, symbols of spring, music, dance and flowers aplenty flow to the heart and mind. Psychologist Robert Sternberg has postulated a triangular theory of love according to which love has three distinct components of intimacy, commitment and passion. The level and interplay of the components will depend on the nature and extent of love between the persons concerned. 

The fact is that the idea of love has undergone a lot of change over the years. As for example a few decades back, a father was reluctant to display openly his love and affection for his  children on the notion that children may go astray if too much love is expressed and that what they needed was  discipline and control. Now, he would like to not only express love but also treat his children, more as friends. There has also been changes in the social equations and the place of women in society. As against  a time when women were not even consulted or permitted to have their say in matters of love and marriage, today they are able to articulate their wishes.  

However, the matters discussed in the paragraph above tells only half the story. On the one side we claim that women have more freedom in matters of love, while on the other hand, instances of honour killing and stalking have been on the rise. In fact, the idea of 'love' itself has changed ; it is no longer  about love at first sight!  The deep, emotionally charged love that couples engaged in, in the earlier times  such as ** Moideen and Kanchanamala of Kerala ((1960s,) is hardly visible now. The role models, that lovers looked up to then, were passionate and committed lovers such as  Heer-Ranjha, Laila -Majnu or Romeo -Juliet. 

Today, in urban areas, the approach to 'love' is westernized, more casual and practical. The  focus is on experimentation and dating more people to see what works out. This may help in zeroing in on a partner compatible to one's lifestyle and life priorities. However, these changes have also brought along with it issues such as jealousy, insecurity and  other negative emotions  . In some  instances a jilted lover has resorted to murder or  thrown acid on the face of his "Love". The tenderness associated with love is also slowly and steadily declining. Earlier the literature, cinema and other forms stressed on aspects of dedication and commitment. The expression of love was also so very subtle and imaginative. A popular Hindi film song of the sixties goes like this " There is a new light today in your beautiful spirit and eyes...Can then my heart be blamed dear, if it has skipped a few beats?" (Aap ki haseen rukh pe aaj naya noor hai, mera dil machal gaya, toh mera kya kusur hai?) 

Let us take the example of a  Hindi short story that I studied in VII or VIII  class under the CBSE syllabus in the seventies. It was titled " उस ने कहा था " (she had asked me) written by Chandradhar sharma Guleri. The story starts with a twelve year old boy on a visit to his uncle's village Bamboo court, near Amritsar where he meets an eight year old girl. He saved her from being run over by a horse cart after which the two became friendly. Just to tease her he would ask "Is your engagement over?" She used to reply shyly "Keep quiet". This happened for a few days and when one day he popped the question, she replied that she was in fact engaged on the previous day. The reply had the effect of  giving our boy hero a sinking feeling of disappointment. Twenty five years later, he (Lahana singh) is now serving in the army. His Subedar (Captain) is Hazara singh.  Lahana takes leave for 7 days to attend to some personal work in his village.

However, he receives a telegram to cut short his leave and report back consequent to the declaration of the first world war. Simultaneously, he receives a communication from his captain Hazara singh asking him to come to his village before going back so that the three of them (captain, his son Bodhi singh and Lahana singh) can travel together  to the army base. On reaching his captain's house, Hazara singh tells him " My wife knows you. Go meet her as well before we leave". When Lahana goes inside  to meet the lady, he finds to his surprise that she is his childhood friend Lachu. She is happy to meet him after a long time and finally at the time of leaving she begs him " Take care of my husband and son. I leave them to your care."  

The rest of the story is about their going to Europe and fighting the war on behalf of the British. A German spy infiltrates into their camp tricking them and makes plans to bomb their base. Lahana Singh intervenes and he manages to save Hazara singh and son Bodhi singh but gets injured himself, and dies in the process . But before he takes his last breath,  Lahana requests that it be conveyed to his childhood sweet heart that he had fulfilled his promise and done what she had wanted him to. The story is set in a patriotic atmosphere of a war on the one side on the other it reflects the  purity and innocence of a childhood love for which a person is prepared to sacrifice his life.  Giving without any expectations was a powerful message conveyed in the story. 

Another instance that I would like to quote is an example of how 'Love" used to be  portrayed in the movies of earlier times. In the Tamil film "Nenjil oru Aalayam" remade in Hindi as "Dil ek mandir", hero who is heart broken as his lover's wedding is fixed with another person sings" May you live happily and in peace wherever you are!" Young lovers in present times facing a similar circumstance of  unrequited love, does not have any guidance either from a mentor, a movie or a book that he/she may follow for handling the situation effectively. He ends up choosing to throw acid on the face of his "beloved" as he cannot imagine her with someone else. I had written a poem titled "Definition of Love" discussing this issue in January 2015 suggesting that "Love" today has an extended its scope with obsession, lust, passion, envy etc also coming under the big umbrella of love.

( https://rajeevianlinesandverses.blogspot.com/2015/01/defenition-of-love.html ) 

In the beginning of the post we discussed how romantic love tends to take precedence over all other forms of love given its popular appeal for human beings. No wonder, we have also discussed quite a bit about it, in this post. However, it would only be appropriate to end the post with some thoughts on universal love , the state of being in harmony with all beings and things in the universe. Let us aspire for universal love that recognizes no hierarchies. May your cup of love, dear readers be filled to the full and overflow to the entire world! 

** Kanchanamala could never marry her love Moideen. She underwent all sorts of physical and mental torture on account of her choice . When he died in a boat accident in 1982, she assumed the role of a widow and engages to this day  in the social welfare activities that were very dear to her lover.  

NB: This is powered by Blog Chatter's # A2Z Challenge   Blogchatter A2Z Challenge 2021