It was early days of their marriage. Seeing her deeply in thought, he quipped " A penny for your thoughts dear!" But she would't say a thing, no matter how much he tried. He had had this belief for long that a couple should exchange with each other their deepest feelings, likes, dislikes and yearning. He pressed her to say what was on her mind. Was it something over which she was annoyed with him? or is it a matter of being home sick and missing her mother? She denied there was anything. When he persisted, she said "I was thinking what gravy to prepare for the supper". He gave up for the moment- told himself that with time he would change her to his way of approaching life. However, nothing of the sort happened. In fact during a married life spanning 15 to 20 years it was his personality that had changed.
He gradually learned to not blurt out whatever came to his mind- those deepest feelings, likes, dislikes or yearning. In fact, he stopped expressing his opinion even on her cooking. If he said any dish was not tasty, it would disappear from the dining table for months. Of course, he being the kind of person he was, he didn't notice it at first. Once, when sambar ( A South Indian gravy preparation ) was prepared after a long time of more than six months, he remarked "Hey, it's a long time since we have had sambar". she replied casually " Well, you did not like it when I prepared it last. Thought you hated it"
Slowly and steadily, he got the message and learned the rules of the game. Soon, during the two decades of marriage, it is not known as to when exactly, he became a changed man . He realized that his original expectations and desires of free communication and openness between spouses was at best mere flights of imagination of an idealistic, immature, unrealistic young mind. Wisdom dawns with age and experience. The experienced, invariably choose peace and domestic tranquility over idealistic "nice to have" preferences! After all, he wanted not only his sambar and other food delicacies but also domestic peace which is the bedrock of the institution of marriage.
Loved to read through....thoughtful, analytical yet in supple manner it has been narrated...best wishes
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot Saibal Barman for your appreciation and feedback!
DeleteNice one. Life is often like this. Simple things make big differences. It's better to be quiet and endure it and go on.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the subject!
ReplyDeleteMy favorite piece so far. A sweetness and sadness and a story within the story.Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot "Unknown". S happy you liked the post!
ReplyDeleteIn order to lead a peaceful and happy married life, one should take this message to the heart. Nice one indeed. Thanks Mr Rajeev for sharing this one.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your feedback Mr Shivkumar!
DeleteFantastic narration of expectation from the spouse and the wide gap in delivery. It's not out of context that the discussion misrepresented the fact. It takes time to learn the tricks of the trade, I mean smooth passage in wedlock system. At times open & frank talk leads to catastrophic failure in understanding. Good food for thought in the present age of forced lockdown. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot sir for sharing your thoughts on the subject! Indeed the institution of marriage is quite complex.
ReplyDeleteA story with a tinge of(avoidable) sadness. Why didn't he make an effort to get to know his wife better? To draw her out gently and tell her more about his likes and expectations. In the old days of arranged marriages, girls were shy and stressed anyway with the new relationships, new environment and new expectations. Today's couples know each other better before they start their journey together! A nice story which emphasizes the need for communication amongst couples. Congrats once again Rajeev.
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot Chechi for a detailed analysis of the story! Marital life can be a lot more complex than what appears from the outside :)
ReplyDeleteTrue!
ReplyDeleteAn interesting take. A relationship works out in its own way with good will.
ReplyDeleteSad. But true. Replacing she with he will still read as true and as sad.
ReplyDeleteHope this-gen has come out of that paradigm and are more vocal in their sharing.
Thank you so much Padmini for going to the essence of the story and giving your thought! You are so right. It is not about 'He' or 'She'. It could be interchanged. The tragedy is an absence of communication between them.
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