Book Review: Melody of a Muddled Mind

When  the grand release of books happened on 21st May under the  aegis of the #Blogchatter E Book Carnival 2021, I downloaded a bunch of books that interested me, for reading and  hopefully reviewing some of them.  I first reviewed the book "Tech tales" by Jayanthi Manikandan followed by "Colony kid" by Meena Chatty. How about a different genre for the third review? I asked myself. How about poetry? and what if it is the maiden book by the poet?  Said the voice in the head "All the more interesting and exciting!" So that is how I zeroed in on reviewing the book "Melody of a muddled mind" by Kashish Mahtani. 

On leafing through the book, you immediately come to know that the book is all about love. It discusses the excitement of falling in love, the challenges of engaging in a 'love' relationship, the pangs of separation and finally being able to move on - rising from the ashes of pain and despair a la phoenix  the mythical bird from the Greek folklore!  The poet has divided the book into five sections: (1) Whimsical whispers (2) The heart's rhapsody (3) Seque into chaos (4) Death knell and (5) The Phoenix song. 

As the author has mentioned that her creation "is a work of fiction"and a product of her imagination, I would like to treat the book as conveying the story of the protagonist. There is a continuity and flow in the thoughts from the first section to the last. The first section "Whimsical whispers" tells us about the kind of person our protagonist is. The first poem "I am that Girl" describes the protagonist as a 'dutiful daughter', 'reliable friend', 'loyal devotee', 'an unwavering fan', 'the committed kind of  lover' and ends with these lines...  

" Your worries, let me share 

I want you to know, I care

A compliment may make me melt

But my 'weakness' is my strength 

Mess with me, I'll make you pay

Treat my right, I 'll mould your way

I am that girl, 

Your entire world 

Loyal to a fault, by you I'll stand

I am that girl; that girl, I am 

This first poem gives you an idea of the character and nature of the protagonist that continues to be reflected in most of the later poems. There is another interesting poem titled "Trouble is my middle name" in this section, the content of which is obvious from the title- "For everywhere I went, with me troubles surely came". In the poem "Angel Incarnate" the poet, discusses people of  various nature and personality  ( compulsive, selfless, trying too hard, socially awkward etc) and says that she "knows" them and can relate to their situation. Another poem in this section "Goddess of the skies, Songstress of the Seas" gives a call  to acknowledge the value of women in her various roles and give her the due place of equality and dignity in society. 

The section "The heart's rhapsody" oozes with romantic poetry and is sure to touch  a chord with those romantic at heart! How does the protagonist see/ place romance in her life?  It is revealed in the very first poem of the section titled "Shakespearean Sonnets in a Millennial Mind". 

"I believe I am a coy little girl

steeped in simple joys of the world; 

I believe in a love that's pure-

No quick fix, no hangover cure; 

I believe in a beloved who stays    

One who brightens the dullest days; 

I believe in reverential ties 

Glimpses of heaven in a lover's eyes; 

I believe in sonnets and bird song,

scribbling limericks across the walls "

It is interesting to note that here is a millennial, who is not reluctant to admit her preference for the seemingly old fashioned values in terms of love. She has also happily embraced the rhyme scheme  in respect of many of her poems at a time when  rhymes are held 'old fashioned' by some. Personally, I enjoyed reading the rhyming lines employed often times in the book. "Perfect paradox" ( You are my guilty pleasure, a cursed treasure), "Stealing: All's fair in love", "Sucker for love" and "A Ballard reserved for you" (The music in my soul is reserved for you) are some of the interesting poems in this section. However, I would like to quote below a few lines from the poem "Fill my heart with love"  

" You fill my heart 

with a love so sweet

It trickles down my spine

And tickles my feet!

 You fill my mind 

with a song so mellow  

My fingers drum the tables 

While my soul strums a cello "

  As we move into the next section "Segue for Chaos", the strains, insecurities and challenges of love have begun to manifest and this can be seen in the poems included here. In the poem "Love sick fool"  she writes thus:   

" I am afraid of walking away 

Because you won't follow

I worry about ever leaving 

Because you will never ask me to stay  

I am anxious when you are out of reach 

Because you won't reach out to me"   

In the poem "Lying love,dying love", the lover is seen as an irresistible devil to whose charms you fall even as you know that it is not good for you. As I read the lines of the poem I was reminded of  the Tom Jones song "Delilah" (The jilted lover kills his girl and asks her why, why, why Delilah, it had to come to this- He had succumbed to her charms even as he knew that the "girl was no good for me")  . The lines of the poem in "Melody of a Muddled  Mind" goes like this:  

" Every time you say

 "You are mine!" 

Blindly I lap up the lie 

For I want to believe 

The words you say ,

Knowing fully well, 

It'll kill me one day"   

 Other notable poems in this section include "What can I do to make you stay?", " Can't stop, won't stop" ( Letting you go was a mistake. what do I do to bring you back?), and the 'Stream" where as she watches the stream and recounts past memories, she contemplates taking her life "to reach where you have gone". In the poem "You walk away", reminiscent of a Tamil song of the sixties "Engirunthalum Vazhga" the protagonist says: 

" If you walk away 

Still, everyday I will pray;

Wishing for your well being

Each step of the way "

 The next section of the book "Death knell" seals the break up between the lovers. The poem "Cesspool of emotions" goes thus:  

"We have come a long way

From a whirlwind romance

To a whirlpool of grudges 

Lost .. in my temperament

And your temper 

In the poem "When I am gone", the protagonist says:   

" My darling, this affection

That bothers you so; all my attention

You've come to know- before the morn 

Before long, you will miss me when I 'm gone" 

Other poems in the section that demands attention are "Life without colour", 5 steps of grief, "Does God really care?" (I scream, beg, cry, can't you hear my voice?)  and "Count yourself lucky". In the latter poem she tells herself to be grateful that she has one man who would always stand by her 'no matter what'- her dad! 

In the last section "The Phoenix song" the protagonist gradually  comes to terms with the reality of her separation. A touching poem in this section is " Happy Within/Without" the protagonist asks her former lover whether the 'new' person in his life has all the qualities and behaviour that she was exhibiting towards him, if so she is happy for him. 

" Does she hug you like 

You're the only one she needs? 

Does she seek you out in a crowd 

And go home if you are not around 

Does she leave you alone

When you ask for space

But cling to you when you are low

Like her life depends on that delicate balance" 

In the process of achieving a closure, in the poem "Sister code" the protagonist says " It's okay to cry over a boy: A boy who had been your reason to smile, a boy who now resides in your rhymes." Again, in the poem "Closure" she says:  

"Please let me go back

Just one last time

I have unfinished work to do 

Loose ends left to tie 

Take me back to my city

The city of love and joy! 

So that I can see it one last time

So that I can say good bye"  

Towards the end the protagonist is able to reach a stage of being ready to "Weep and let go" ( It's alright to weep, but then let it go). Eventually she reaches a place of no longer being affected by the actions of her former lover. There is no longer a feeling of being slighted or ignored as revealed in the poem "Off I go.."

"I like how you look through me

It doesn't hurt

Strangely, you are setting me free

I like how you love me no more; -

So I release us both

And off I go"  

In the last poem of this poetry collection titled"Rise, Phoenix rise!", the protagonist  reminds herself of her power, the power to rise again like the mythical bird again and again! Here are the last four lines:   

" Remember your power,

Sing the Phoenix song 

For it's time to dust off

Rise, and be reborn" 

The readers who have been with me so far, would know without an iota of doubt, that I enjoyed reading this book by Kashish. In her debut book, she has weaved a tale in poetry that has all the dramatic moments of a typical Indian movie. Why, it could even be recreated on celluloid! I wish the poet the very best for her future endeavours! By the way, only a poet could have conjured up a title like this " Melody of a Muddled Mind"!      

Readers can access this melodious E book for free here.  

Happy reading. I also participated in the # Blogchatter Carnival 2021( can access at the link)